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The years I spent visiting the Gauley river valley were some of the best summers of meditation, reflection and self discovery.
My job was to report to the photo lab around 8 AM, gather rafting trip times and camera gear. Afterwards I would drive for up to an hour out highways, country roads, forests service roads, and finally to river access trails. There the trip began, with 20 some pounds of camera gear, a book, lunch and water on my back, machete in my hand as I started the hike down to the river. Once there I would set up the camera so to catch the rafters as they would pour over the rapid. Here I would set for hours with a book, food, water and isolation. This is when I could focus on the upcoming and past events of my life. Of course health issues was on the top of my mind. Somedays the small but extreme hike into the river valley seamed as though I could have been miles deep into a amazon rain forest. In the spring the rain would be pouring down and have everything steaming with moisture. This also made the steep hillside slick with mud and old leaves. None the less I went with the courage of a native bushman. My destination was to arrive at a particular spot on the river before the rafters showed up so that I could compose myself from the hike in and be ready to capture ever one that went over the rapid that day. This was, however, only half of my task. Getting in and out of the valley was the real task at hand. Some days were full of the excitement to get there and back. Others, it was if there was no option to go or not, I went no matter how I felt.
These days gave me all the time in the world to focus on my health, mind and spirit. Most of the time I spent hours alone in the woods with nothing but the buzzing of a two way radio to keep me connected to the outside world and the crashing of the river. Birds would come and go, the occational crashing of twigs and rocks in the woods. Though I never saw anything when this would happen, the vegetation was too thick, I knew it must have been a deer or bear. These days allowed me to dream of a life without lungs complicated by CF. They gave me the time to read some of the most profound books in my life. Ideas that others have found in life and some that I was discovering as I read them. Almost like a crystal ball into my own life. Seneca, Wayne Dyer, Krishnamurti, David Suzuki, and Terrance McKenna to name a few. Although I went though a lot more authors. These were the guys that spoke to me and stuck in my soul.
Sure I did other things durring this time, a lot accutally. Many concerts with friends traveling to PA, NC, SC, OH. Many week long trips to Morgantown to have check-ups at my clinic and most important to visit friends. There was a lot of support at that time from all areas of my life. And I guess to give a little background to it all. I start off this job as a whitewater photographer knowing that lung transplant was already being mentioned at my clinic visits. I of course rebuking and denying that I will ever do something like that. I now was living my dream as a paid photographer! I was going out into the woods daily, pushing myself to my physical limits all the while expanding my mental limits, attitude. I called it "making peace with life." And why not, at the time I was 28 years old, in what I thought the best physical condition of my life. Despite what all the numbers were saying at the Dr's office. And living, literally in, my dream job.
As time goes on though my health took at sharp turn downhill. Within no time, it seamed, I was having the hardest of times walking in and out of the river valley. Dr's are suggesting I wear oxygen for the hikes and over time started expressing their concerns for lung failure if I continue pushing myself like that. Just as quickly as I watched my dreams manifest before my eyes, they were being stripped from just as quickly. Only after 3 years of living this "super cool" lifestyle I was beginning to make trips to a transplant center. This all took more time, more energy, and a greater toll on my mental attitude than all the preceding years of my life. This was me accepting my fate, my disease, my problem, my life. And for the most part it wasn't anything I wanted. But all the knowledge I had gained and all the peace I had acquired from those couple years sitting beside the river was all support for my "self."
Like building a block wall, when it is young and not supported you see that at any time it could be destroyed by any strong wind that may pass. So I had build a foundation that could hold up to the pressures of facing a double lung transplant.
For the most part it wasn't what the surgery was all about, it was all the risks, complications, and what if's that where involved. I had spent 30 years understanding my body, knowing what to do if it got sick. But now all that was to change and just to be honest the odds did not look good. As if not being able to breath after trying to bathe yourself is a complication, because I was almost to that point.
It was those years I spent alone in the woods deep in the Gauley river valley that gave me the peace to get my head together and prepare for the second part of this wonderful, amazing life.
My job was to report to the photo lab around 8 AM, gather rafting trip times and camera gear. Afterwards I would drive for up to an hour out highways, country roads, forests service roads, and finally to river access trails. There the trip began, with 20 some pounds of camera gear, a book, lunch and water on my back, machete in my hand as I started the hike down to the river. Once there I would set up the camera so to catch the rafters as they would pour over the rapid. Here I would set for hours with a book, food, water and isolation. This is when I could focus on the upcoming and past events of my life. Of course health issues was on the top of my mind. Somedays the small but extreme hike into the river valley seamed as though I could have been miles deep into a amazon rain forest. In the spring the rain would be pouring down and have everything steaming with moisture. This also made the steep hillside slick with mud and old leaves. None the less I went with the courage of a native bushman. My destination was to arrive at a particular spot on the river before the rafters showed up so that I could compose myself from the hike in and be ready to capture ever one that went over the rapid that day. This was, however, only half of my task. Getting in and out of the valley was the real task at hand. Some days were full of the excitement to get there and back. Others, it was if there was no option to go or not, I went no matter how I felt.
These days gave me all the time in the world to focus on my health, mind and spirit. Most of the time I spent hours alone in the woods with nothing but the buzzing of a two way radio to keep me connected to the outside world and the crashing of the river. Birds would come and go, the occational crashing of twigs and rocks in the woods. Though I never saw anything when this would happen, the vegetation was too thick, I knew it must have been a deer or bear. These days allowed me to dream of a life without lungs complicated by CF. They gave me the time to read some of the most profound books in my life. Ideas that others have found in life and some that I was discovering as I read them. Almost like a crystal ball into my own life. Seneca, Wayne Dyer, Krishnamurti, David Suzuki, and Terrance McKenna to name a few. Although I went though a lot more authors. These were the guys that spoke to me and stuck in my soul.
Sure I did other things durring this time, a lot accutally. Many concerts with friends traveling to PA, NC, SC, OH. Many week long trips to Morgantown to have check-ups at my clinic and most important to visit friends. There was a lot of support at that time from all areas of my life. And I guess to give a little background to it all. I start off this job as a whitewater photographer knowing that lung transplant was already being mentioned at my clinic visits. I of course rebuking and denying that I will ever do something like that. I now was living my dream as a paid photographer! I was going out into the woods daily, pushing myself to my physical limits all the while expanding my mental limits, attitude. I called it "making peace with life." And why not, at the time I was 28 years old, in what I thought the best physical condition of my life. Despite what all the numbers were saying at the Dr's office. And living, literally in, my dream job.
As time goes on though my health took at sharp turn downhill. Within no time, it seamed, I was having the hardest of times walking in and out of the river valley. Dr's are suggesting I wear oxygen for the hikes and over time started expressing their concerns for lung failure if I continue pushing myself like that. Just as quickly as I watched my dreams manifest before my eyes, they were being stripped from just as quickly. Only after 3 years of living this "super cool" lifestyle I was beginning to make trips to a transplant center. This all took more time, more energy, and a greater toll on my mental attitude than all the preceding years of my life. This was me accepting my fate, my disease, my problem, my life. And for the most part it wasn't anything I wanted. But all the knowledge I had gained and all the peace I had acquired from those couple years sitting beside the river was all support for my "self."
Like building a block wall, when it is young and not supported you see that at any time it could be destroyed by any strong wind that may pass. So I had build a foundation that could hold up to the pressures of facing a double lung transplant.
For the most part it wasn't what the surgery was all about, it was all the risks, complications, and what if's that where involved. I had spent 30 years understanding my body, knowing what to do if it got sick. But now all that was to change and just to be honest the odds did not look good. As if not being able to breath after trying to bathe yourself is a complication, because I was almost to that point.
It was those years I spent alone in the woods deep in the Gauley river valley that gave me the peace to get my head together and prepare for the second part of this wonderful, amazing life.
Allman Brothers Band/Widespread Panic
Charlotte, NC 10/3/9
Pillow Rock, Class V. Gauley River, WV
